The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate find this to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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